Sure I could diet and exercise, but why risk having to live any longer than I absolutely have to?
— Chris Thayer (@ChrisThayerSays)March 31, 2013
I was feeling really down in the dumps around the time I wrote this. So low, in fact, that I actually googled “how not to feel sorry for yourself.” Exercise was a common suggestion in the results, as it often is when you’re searching for a natural mood enhancer. I had heard—and ignored—it all before. I remember being annoyed that physical activity was on the list. I guess I wanted some miracle cure that required minimal effort on my part, like a really cute picture of a small horse that I could download and look to for hope and inspiration in my dark moments.
Later that same night, I went to this r&b rollerskating night with some friends. From the moment my skates touched the rink, I was ecstatic. A few hours into skating, I was coming off the floor for a break and remembered my search session from earlier. It occurred to me that perhaps what I was doing could be considered exercise and that it didn’t have to be me silently sobbing in a gym, wearing an oversized white t-shirt, looking like the ghost of David Spade. Instead, I could cruise around on a pair of rollerskates, eat old Red Hots from a 25-cent machine, and have my request for Zapp & Roger’s “Computer Love” denied!
Anyway, this tweet is about the idiot logic of my own fear and lethargy and me wanting to ignore the suggestion for physical activity. You know, like, “Of course I could take obvious steps to improve my life, but maybe I DON’T WANT TO IMPROVE MY LIFE!”
Since then, I bought and Iron Gym and a jump rope and started exercising shirtless at home in a pair of child-sized Air Jordan shorts while listening to Zapp & Roger ON MY OWN TERMS. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I feel like a sad ghost much less often, but I’m still looking for that perfect horse photo.