Each Friday, we pick one Aristocrat we think you should follow. (Even though you should follow all of them.) Meet Ahm.

1. What was your first exposure to Twitter?

I believe I first heard about twitter in early 2009 from @RobDelaney promoting it on Facebook. I’d seen Rob perform smaller stand-up shows for a couple of years and loved him for being so awkwardly friendly and shy despite being a giant handsome. His tweets were hilarious, so I latched onto the green Speedos and became his 3000th follower.

2. When did you really get into using the site?

I got into Twitter right away, but like every fledgling tweeter, I felt my comedy gold was being wasted because I had so few followers. I think I had about 35 followers when I tweeted this: Twittering is one of the most unrewarding activities I’ve ever engaged in, right behind art school and bikini-line maintenance. But @RandyLiedke, a comedian I respect, replied back that he loved my tweets and I should keep doing it. That was really encouraging. Not long after, I got my first #FF from @robdelaney, and I got close to 300 followers that day. After that, it was game on because I finally had a sizable audience for my brilliant thoughts.

3. What has been your proudest Twitter moment?

Every time I’m followed by a comedian I respect, I feel a bright warm glow in my heartloins. I’ve been a fan of Michael McKean since infancy, so to see his face on my follower list almost ruptured my left heartloin. HOWEVER, my PROUDEST twitter moment was the day I was mentally sucked back into junior high, and I live-tweeted a few hours from 7th grade. I tweeted about how I was freaked out by my budding frog eye-lookin breasts, got my butt flattered by a handsome black classmate, was grossed out by zitty frenchers, etc. It all came back to me in a very real way. I gained 3000 new followers that day.

4. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever tweeted?

Hey. I don’t have dumb tweets. But I do have very unpopular tweets.

5. What advice would you give to aspiring comedians or writers?

I have absolutely zero advice on “how to make it in the industry,” but I do have advice on how to be engaging on twitter:

Don’t be anonymous. Have a face, at least a first name, and a general location. It’s much easier to take an interest in a human being than an object or a logo.

Don’t tweet everything you think. Be selective. If your timeline has 30 tweets for every hour you’re awake, I guarantee that most of your followers have started skipping over your tweets.

Don’t try too hard. Jesus. It’s so obvious when you’re forcing out jokes like rock hard turds. Relax.

6. Name one person you would love to have read your tweets that currently isn’t (that you know of)

I don’t pine for anyone’s attention. Honestly. I couldn’t care less! If @RobHuebel doesn’t want to read my tweets, then that’s just FINE! (sob)

You can follow Ahm on Twitter and on WitStream and kiss her boo-boos here. She does this and she’s done this so squirt some lube into your Eustachian tube stick it in.