I live in a pretty hip area of Los Angeles. My neighborhood’s local economy is based solely upon vegan Thai food and tattoo shops. Around the corner from my apartment is a raw juice bar that shares a patio with the coffee shop I frequent. Every girl that hangs out there is my dream girl. By that I mean they all look like The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo if she dressed like Gilda Radner’s Roseanne Roseannadanna. I know these looks sound contradictory, but to my brain they’re just two sides of the same sweet, sexy coin. 

As if the neck tattoos and face piercings weren’t enough to let you know how much they hate their stepdads, the local girls have recently escalated their cosmetic hostility and taken to shaving the sides of their heads. Unfortunately, the constant juice fasts have left most of these ladies looking a bit pale and sickly, which makes this hot new hairdo come off less sexy/aggressive and more like they’ve just been prepped for an exploratory cranial surgery.  Either way I’m super into it. Also, sandwiches.

Brandon Vaughn is a comedian and writer who produces the Loud Noises! show at Meltdown Comics in Los Angeles. The next one is July 14th. You can get tickets here.

Follow Brandon on Twitter, WitStream, Tumblr and anywhere else you see him.